How do you deal with the loss of loved ones? There is no quick-fix or even an answer I can give you that will give you the guidance or support you seek. The honest truth is that on the 24th of July 2017, my Dad passed away, almost nine years ago. Nine years may seem like a long time, but it’s not. I still haven’t gotten over the passing of my Dad. This past Monday, on the 29th of June 2026, my mom passed away. I didn’t plan to write this post today. I woke up this morning after a gruelling week, and I listened to a YouTube video of Joyce Meyer on how to deal with losing a loved one. While I was listening to this, I knew that I needed to do this.
Everyone experiences grief in a different way, but I have some experience. I didn’t know that I had a knack for writing until I lost my dad. A few months after my dad’s passing, God showed me a way to help me deal with the loss. I met Lynne Huysamen from Kaboutjie blog, who took a chance on me. I had absolutely no experience with content writing, but she saw qualities in me that would change my life in a way that is profound. Through writing and keeping busy, I slowly started healing. The pain of losing my dad lessened over time, but missing him will forever stay with me.
When I read on social media about the passing of someone’s mom or dad, I never tell people that I know what it feels like. Because I don’t. You cannot even begin to comprehend what that person is feeling. You can relate to what they are going through, but no one can describe in words the overwhelming range of emotions that you’re going through. I know there are different stages of the grieving process – but I also know that I haven’t fully gone through all of them yet. The saddest and most heartbreaking thing about death is the absolute finality and having to deal with daily mundane tasks like getting up, going to work, dealing with funeral arrangements, and being there for your family when you feel like disappearing into the unknown and switching off all your emotions until you’ve reached a point where everything feels okay again.
Your body goes into autopilot, and you do what needs to be done. My dad passed away shortly after my son’s first birthday. Even though it felt like I’m heading for a complete shutdown, I couldn’t, because I needed to be there for not just my son, but also everyone else. At the time, I had this overwhelming sense of taking care of my mom. I was so worried about her, not just the physical toll, but more the emotional side of it all. They were high school sweethearts and had a lifetime of memories and experiences. I cannot imagine what she felt or what she went through. All my brother and I could do then and through the years until now was to be there for her and try to make her life as comfortable as we could. I often wished that there was more that we could do, but we did the best we could with what we had.
I have zero regrets because my mom knew that we loved her more than life itself, and we spent as much time with her as possible while she was still here. Two Saturday’s ago, my mom was very sick, and I spoke to my brother that day. I woke up that Saturday morning with this incredible sadness – I remembered the exact date of my dad’s passing, the years after my dad’s passing, and everything that happened to my mom after that. The incredible challenges she faced. Can you imagine what it must be like to lose your leg, be wheelchair-bound, lose your eyesight, and as if that’s not bad enough, have hypertension, diabetes-related issues on a daily basis, and have kidney disease? The kidney infections were the worst – I’ve lost count about the times I sat in casualty with my mom, listening to the things she said while hallucinating. This is a fate I would not wish on my biggest enemy. It was devastating, and the toll it took on her was immense.
Dealing with the loss of my mom and dad was two entirely different experiences. My dad didn’t have the medical issues that my mom had, but he died in a very painful way. The pathologist told my brother that my dad knew he was dying. He didn’t tell us, or my mom, because until the end, he was thinking about us and put his own suffering and pain before ours. His liver gave in the night before his death. And the moment he died, his heart failed in a very painful way. When my mom said goodbye that morning, he told her that everything was going to be okay, he thanked her for looking after him so well, and most of all, he told her that he loved her. I wouldn’t go into the details of what happened on the day he died, but the added stress for us as a family and the insensitivity of people haunted me for years after that.
We didn’t get to say goodbye, and his death came so unexpectedly. The pain and shock of his death are something I cannot put into words. It wasn’t just emotionally devastating – I felt a physical pain in my heart that day, almost too painful to bear. With my mom, it was different. She had medical issues for a very long time, which only amplified after my dad’s passing. It was only during these last nine years that I realized how strong and courageous this incredibly gentle soul was. For me, she had a fate that was worse than death itself. The three weeks before my mom’s passing, she was very sick. When I fetched her from the hospital on Thursday before the last weekend I would spend with her, I didn’t know that it would be the last time.
But last Saturday, when I visited her, and the next day, she had two very good days – the best days she’s had in weeks. She was healthy, well, as healthy as she could be. We were laughing, chatting, and listening to music. She spoke to her sister in New Zealand on Sunday and was in good spirits. She regained her appetite, and everything was back to normal. That’s why it was such a shock when my brother found her on Monday morning – she died peacefully in her sleep. It gives me great solace to know that after all her suffering, she had two good days before her passing, and when God picked this rare flower for his heavenly garden, she went peacefully.
Although my heart is broken that she is gone, I find peace and acceptance in knowing that her earthly suffering is over. She will never have to go through what she went through. She is reunited with my dad – I have to believe that. I don’t know how to cope with the fact that I’ll never see her again or hear her voice. My mom was the kindest, hardworking, and most inspirational person I’ve ever had the extreme privilege to have in my life.
5 Things That Can Help You Cope With The Loss of Loved Ones
My faith
I would not be here if it weren’t for my faith. God has guided me and helped me so many times in my life, not just to cope through the many losses I’ve experienced, but also in my daily life. There were countless times when I’ve reached a point where I didn’t know what to do next, where I prayed, and God showed me the way. Sometimes doors closed, and I found myself in a place where it felt impossible to face certain challenges, almost like all hope was gone, but then God opened another door for me.
Do Things That Consoles Your Soul
After my dad’s passing, I didn’t have my online work yet, but I started crocheting a blanket. I find it easier to cope with challenges or losses in life by doing things that allow my creativity to flow. A few months after that, I met my mentor and friend, Lynne Huysamen, who has taught me everything I know about content writing, SEO, and blogging. Years later, I also tried my hand at gardening. Taking a piece of land and seeing the process of your garden taking shape is incredibly healing and therapeutic. Writing provides me with an outlet for my emotions and thoughts. I often find it challenging to tell someone what I feel or what I’m going through, but with writing, I can put it all out there.
Having a Support System
I know a lot of people that means the world to me, but there are a few individuals in my life that has given me the strength, courage, and motivation to continue doing what I’m doing. So many people tell me that I’m the strongest person they know. But I don’t see myself this way – I’ve had many days where it felt like I’m not strong enough to face life. My best friend Renée Maré has been there for me through good and bad times. She is my soulmate and the sister I’ve always wanted and needed. She knows me in and out and accepts me for who I am, with all my best and worst traits. She has seen me at my absolute worst, but she has always been there when I needed her. She knows that sometimes my heart is too heavy for words, and all I need is someone to be there.
I know that there was a reason why Lynne Huysamen came into my life when she did. I’ve never met Lynne in person, but we’ve connected in ways that very few people connect with me. I’ve told Lynne about personal experiences, good or bad, things I couldn’t tell anyone else, and she could relate and offer advice or just be there. Two years ago, when my mom was admitted to hospital three times during the course of two months, and I went through one of my darkest times, I spoke with her and told her what I was going through. She contacted Hospice for me when my plate was too full, and I was sick in bed with bronchitis.
Through her, I met Lauren Kinghorn, and Anthea Scordilis, two gentle and kindhearted souls that has been there for me in ways that people that I’ve known for decades couldn’t be. Even when I had Covid, and they were thousands of miles away, Lynne, Anthea, and Lauren checked in on me daily. It’s the little gestures in life that make the most impact. These three ladies are not just people that I worked with, but their friendships and genuine concern for my well-being mean the world to me.
Tannie Marietjie Wessels was my former neighbor. She has become a rock in my life – she is one of those people that you can tell anything and know that she will keep it to herself and offer you the love and support to get through any situation. She is one of those rare gems that you know God has sent to you to make your life worth living. She often puts the needs of others before her own – she is one of the most selfless, compassionate, and genuine people I have the privilege to know.
My colleague and friend, Niel de Villiers who I’ve known and work with for more than two decades, you are a truly special person. I have no words to express what your friendship have and means to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being there for me and giving me a listening ear and a strong shoulder to cry on. I could never repay everything that you’ve done for me over the years.
To all my other friends and family that I have not mentioned by name (there are too many of you) who have helped, loved, and supported me throughout the seasons of my life until now, just know, I love and appreciate you. You know who you are.
Family
For some, it might be difficult to understand, but family means everything to me. We’ve always been a close family that supported one another through everything. My brother Frank, my mom, and I became even closer after my dad’s passing. I am so glad that we had all these special moments and memories over the last nine years that will sustain me in the years to come. With them, I could always just be myself – they love me with all my flaws and quirks. I know it’s not going to be easy for us, and we’ll have many future days where we’ll sit and cry about my mom and dad.
My brother is not a people-person like me, but he has a heart of gold. He has done so much for me and given me so much without expecting anything in return. I know these last few years were not easy for him, but he took my mom in after my dad passed away, when I couldn’t, and for that, I’ll always be eternally grateful.
My husband and my son are my safe haven, my home. They are not as emotional as me, but they enrich my life and motivate me to get up in the morning and do what needs to be done. I love them more than they could ever know. All my family members who knew and loved my mom and dad – I know that they feel my pain and also deal with the loss.
Take the Time You Need
You are going to have good days, but you’re also going to have the challenging days when it feels like your world is crumbling from underneath you. These are the days when it’s okay to just be. Don’t think about responsibilities, work, or anything else. Take the time to grief, and be kind to yourself. Tomorrow will be a different day, but do what you need today to give yourself the fuel to face the next day.
Celebrate the Life of Your Loved One
When you lose someone you’ve loved so much that it feels like a part of you is gone, remember the things about them that made them so truly special. They wouldn’t want you to be sad all the time. My mom and dad had such a zest for life – they both lived good lives. They left me with characteristics, memories, experiences, and unconditional love that I will carry with me forever. No one can ever take that away from me.
Final Thoughts
I didn’t write this post for any other reason but to give myself a chance to heal. So many people are concerned about my wellbeing and want to know how I’m doing. I’ve put off this post for nine years. I’ve often started writing, but couldn’t continue because it was just too painful. I hope that when you read this post, it will also help you cope with the loss of a loved one and heal your heart over time.
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